Monday, April 21, 2008

My Fantastic Survey Experience

She had just talked to my cubicle neighbor, who refused to take a survey over the phone. Then my phone rang.

"I bet this is her," I said.

"Probably," said my neighbor. I picked up the phone.

"This is Emmitt."

The nice lady said she was with some company I had never heard of from San Diego.

"Are you by any chance," I interrupted her, "a survey taker?" I was using my most pleasant voice.

"Ah, sir, this is a follow up to information we received last year from your company..."

"Okay," I said, "that's a good point because I'm afraid that the original contact may have been an illegal survey. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Well, sir..."

"And for quality assurance purposes," I continued, "I may have to record this conversation. Are we clear on this?"

At this point the aliens pointed their fantasy vortex ray at my head and turned on the beam, because what the nice lady seemed to do was really unlikely. In fact, maybe somebody shot me with Douglas Adams' improbability gun from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"Sir, I'm sorry for any hassle," she seemed to say, "and I want to apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused you. Have a very nice day. Goodbye."

She had hung up. I sat there listening to dead air over the speaker phone. People were clustered in the doorway of my cubicle, and I looked at them, expressionless. They began to cheer.

No comments: